Everything is Inner
Issue 27
Somewhere along the line in writing these newsletters, I’ve mentioned the work I do facilitating peer groups. In each group, a pattern emerges where the members move from wanting to talk about the technical aspects of their business and its problems to topics more aligned with what might be called “personal growth.” At some level, virtually all of these people recognize they need to grow, and many of them freely acknowledge that they don’t know how to do this as proactively as they might like. As a result, these topics become more frequent and common as the group matures.
The most significant limiting factor I see among some members is that they are not comfortable discussing what I classify as spiritual topics. The distinction I often point out is that there is a difference between spirituality and religion because most of those who are objecting are really doing so because of their personal issues with their experience with some organized religion. Now, there are dozens of ways to make distinctions between the words “spirituality” and “religion.” I certainly have my way of talking about it, but here is a paraphrase of what Google’s Gemini had to say on the general definition of the word “spirituality”:
Spirituality involves grappling with the fundamental life questions, such as “Why am I here?” and “How can I live my best life?” It includes the search for meaning and purpose. It can be thought of as being connected to the greater whole, to something beyond ourselves. It can be thought of as your “inner journey,” and it can manifest as a sense of connectedness to Nature, the universe as a whole, god or some higher power, people, or one’s own inner self or soul. It suggests a dimension of life beyond that which comes to us through our five senses or can be explained purely in material terms.
For me, the distinction I try to make is that “religion,” especially organized religion, focuses us on a (hopefully) proven path to assist us on this journey. You can be spiritual and not be religious and you can also be religious and not be spiritual. But everybody has an inner journey. Think about it. Oh, that “thinking”? Well, that’s inside you, isn’t it? The emotions that come up for those who are uncomfortable with the topic. Well, those are inside you, too. Aren’t they?! Our entire experience of living is processed internally, and we decide what everything means, good, bad, or otherwise, inside.
So, to my mind, there is no “outer versus inner.” Everything is inner.
And what everybody (including me on occasion) often tries to do is reorganize their outer world so their inner world can be more comfortable. Hmmm. Wouldn’t it make a lot more sense to reorganize our inner world to view external situations differently? (To be clear, there is nothing inherently wrong with making choices in our lives to choose external situations that better support us. Which, of course, we also decide internally.)
In this context, just what is “growth” anyway? It involves changing ourselves on the inside to be more resourceful, more effective, and so on. You don’t grow by changing the outside anything without first “figuring out” something on the inside! Some people go to extraordinary lengths to change their external circumstances so they can be comfortable on the inside and not have to change on the inside. They go to such extraordinary lengths (often leaving carnage in their wake) because trying to change the external to fix the internal often doesn’t work very well! And these “extraordinary lengths,” where are they being “planned”? On the inside!! When you think about it in that way, the absurdity of it is almost funny!
In M. Scott Peck’s book, “People of the Lie,” he defines “evil” as harming others so that you don’t have to change. Ouch. And if you don’t think this applies to you, read the book. It’s painful! (And instructive.)
I’ve stopped counting, but I’ve done over 100 peer group meetings. In one of our most recent meetings, a member said the single most important, most powerful thing I’ve ever heard anyone say. This particular member is in a difficult situation with a business partner who is not performing, and whose non-performance is putting the entire company at significant risk. The member has been dealing with this for quite some time and, though he is keeping the company afloat, he is experiencing massive stress. He is a very, very competent guy and has other business opportunities available to him, getting unsolicited “job offers” with some regularity. His situation came up in our check-in at the start of the meeting, and what he said was this, as I paraphrase: “I understand that this is a ‘me’ problem. If I move to another company, it is just a matter of time before this problem again presents itself, and I’ll still have it to deal with.” What he was really acknowledging was that what was happening to him externally could only be effectively addressed internally through inner growth. Not until he solved the inner “problem” could he resolve certain external problems. This is true of virtually everything in our lives. To be clear and make a critical distinction: His business partner is not the problem. The problem is being presented to him through his business partner. (If he takes a different job, the business partner will disappear, but the real problem won’t, and it will reappear in some other form).
The insight this man made is profound because, so few people recognize what he has figured out. We can work to change our problems, work to change our jobs, work to change our problematic relationships. It’s only when we really start growing, start coming awake, that we recognize that everything going on externally can only be successfully addressed, permanently, when we turn and begin to explore inwardly.
It’s all inside.
If you found this issue helpful and want to hear more from Greg, be sure to subscribe to his podcast, Pants Around Ankles Prevention, where each episode delivers a punch of truth to help you wake up, gain perspective, and live with greater clarity and purpose. Listen and subscribe now on Apple Podcasts or YouTube.